


WhY aM i WRitIng tHIs

by Marauder_Emaelyn



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: I wrote snockhart, M/M, Post CoS, Snockhart, This Is Fine, okay then, what is my life anymore, why have i done this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-08
Updated: 2020-08-08
Packaged: 2021-03-05 18:55:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25780183
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marauder_Emaelyn/pseuds/Marauder_Emaelyn
Summary: Severus would like to point out that he never intended for this to happen.And really, he should've drawn many lines before they got to this point.But alas, here we are.
Relationships: Gilderoy Lockhart/Severus Snape
Comments: 22
Kudos: 57





	WhY aM i WRitIng tHIs

**Author's Note:**

> Tobi, Korppi, Elli, I blame all of you.  
> And Felix. I especially blame you.  
> I-  
> I just-  
> This happened, okay?

Severus would like to point out that he never intended for this to happen. In fact, most days he would never even admit it. Somehow, the insufferable, arrogant,  _ idiot _ wormed his way into Severus’ mind, and he couldn’t quite seem to get him out.

And then he lost his memories.

It wasn’t that Severus  _ wanted _ to change him. It just...Happened. He’d been left all alone, without a memory or anyone to notice. Even to Severus, that seemed...Harsh.

So he’d begun to visit him. It wasn’t often, at first. A few minutes here, a half hour there. He couldn’t even remember when that changed. But at some point, his visits were no longer framed by minutes, but hours. And the insufferable moron became…

Well, less insufferable, clearly.

“You know, I still can’t shake the feeling that I  _ must _ have been famous,” Lockhart mused one day, sitting cross legged on his white sheeted bed at St. Mungo's. Severus, standing at the foot of the bed with his arms crossed, huffed loudly.

“Yes,” He finally admitted, disgust dripping in his voice. “You were a famous author. A pity that your fictitious works were taken for fact.” Lockhart’s jaw dropped.

“An author? Oh how fun!” He exclaimed. “Though it does sound problematic for people to take my writings as something they were not…” Severus couldn’t help the ironic smile that took over his face.

“If I might suggest staying away from book writing in the future? It may have been involved in your whole mess of losing your memory, you see.”

“Oh, dear!” Lockhart placed a hand over his chest. “You know what happened, then? I figured no one knew after a while.” Severus grimaced. He hadn’t meant to let slip he knew.

“Only vaguely,” he decided to say. He hadn’t been present; who knew if the brats had even told the truth about what had happened?

“Ah, I see,” Lockhart replied, somewhat dreamily. He didn’t say anything else. In fact, he just began to stare off into space towards Severus in that odd way he did recently. Severus assumed it had something to do with the backfiring spell to the head. Severus checked the time, cursing silently. He then cursed himself for cursing the fact that it was time to leave. Lockhart was nearly insufferable, why would he want to spend any more time around the man?

Still, the fact remained. And he  _ was _ more sufferable nowadays…

“I have to leave now,” Severus said, ignoring all other thoughts. Lockhart focused back in, pouting slightly.

“Oh, right,” he said softly, resigned. Severus hated the way his heart clenched at the sound. He didn’t care. Lockhart was annoying, and arrogant, and --

Was.

Not is.

Not really.

“Goodbye,” Severus said roughly, turning to leave quickly.

“Will you be back again next week?” Lockhart asked hopefully, and Severus paused, just slightly. He sighed.

“Of course, I will,” he said, and with that, he left. He could hear Lockhart exclaiming happily behind him, and tried to not think about the way his stomach flipped, just a little, at the sound.

\---------------------------------------------------------

“Severus!” Severus was not proud of the smile he gave at the exclamation. Nor was he proud that his once weekly visits from months ago had turned to thrice weekly. Nor was he proud of the fact that Lockhart was so far as  _ tolerable _ now. It was unnerving and horrific, to say the least.

“Hello, Gilderoy,” he said pleasantly: another two things to be very not proud of. “What book is that?” He gestured to the book sitting in front of Gilderoy on his bed. Gilderoy beamed.

“Oh, it’s one of my own, apparently!” He said, holding it up proudly to show it off. Severus couldn’t help but sneer. Gilderoy didn’t seem to notice. “I really can’t believe I wrote all of this, to be quite honest.” He frowned. “I do see why it seems real, though none of these really sound like things I would do. Perhaps I was different before?” Severus snorted.

“Oh, you were definitely different before,” he agreed. “No more likely to do anything of the sorts that you wrote, mind you, but different.”

“How interesting!”

“Indeed.” Gilderoy began to stare off into space again. Severus found that this bothered him more as time passed. Perhaps it was the fact that he always stared off into space in  _ his _ direction. Or perhaps just the glazed over look in his eyes.

“Well,” Severus said, clearing his throat. Gilderoy snapped back to the present again.

“Yes! Anyway, I was wondering as I read if I’d perhaps asked for your advice when I was writing these, seeing as you know so much.” For a moment, Severus had no clue how to respond.

“I...No,” he finally managed to say. “No, you spoke with...experts in each field when you wrote the books.”

“Ah,” Gilderoy said, sounding disappointed. He didn’t say more. Severus said nothing, either. He tried not to notice the way Gilderoy’s hair curled easily around his ears. Tried not to notice the beautiful shade of his eyes.

Not noticing was not going well today, it seemed.

“You know,” said Gilderoy softly, drawing Severus’ attention away from Not-Noticing, “It’s just, well, you’re the only person who comes to visit me, so I can’t help but feel we must have been close. You know, before…” Severus paused. They certainly had not been close before. No one had been close with Gilderoy before, which was what started this entire mess of visits. Yet it felt cruel to mention that now.

“Well, we were...Friends,” Severus said carefully. “You...you didn’t really have many friends, though. None close enough to really care all that much. I’m...I’m sorry.”

“No, don’t be!” Gilderoy replied brightly. “Really, how can I be upset when I have you to visit me all the time. I don’t need a lot of friends, really. Just a good one. A great one, even.” Severus was appalled to note the heat that rushed to his face at the sentiment.

“Hem,” he coughed, turning away slightly. “Yes, well, I’m glad...Glad you aren’t upset by the news.”

“Not upset at all!” Gilderoy said, voice still bright. It seemed he hadn’t noticed Severus’ state of distress. “I suppose it  _ would _ be nice if some of my fans had been wondering after me, but, oh well, the fickleness of fame, I suppose.”

“Yes, well.” Severus didn’t feel the need to tell Gilderoy that most people hadn’t been all that upset by his disappearance. A few rabid fangirls had been asking after him for maybe a week, and then everyone had moved on to the next most handsome famous wizard.

Not that Severus thought Gilderoy was handsome.

He wasn’t. He was barely  _ tolerable _ . Much less… Definitely not.

“Well, anyway, enough about me,” Gilderoy said pleasantly. Another marked change from the man he was. Not that Severus really noticed. He definitely didn’t care. “What have those rambunctious and annoying students been up to now?”

\----------------------------------------------

Severus thought things had really gotten out of hand at this point. Really, he shouldn’t be heading down to Hogsmeade every other day for visits. Knocking on the door of the modest home on the edge of town, he really thought house calls should’ve been where he drew the line.

“Sev! How wonderful to see you!”

“Hello, ‘Roy.” And really, there were many lines that should have been drawn before it got to this point, he thought as he allowed Gilderoy to wrap him in a hug at the door. 

“Come in, come in, Sev! I’ve been experimenting on a new recipe today, and I think you’ll really like it…” Severus groaned as he set down his bog full of papers to grade by the sofa in the main room, following Gilderoy to the kitchen. Surely he should’ve drawn the line before agreeing to taste test his baking recipes.

“Baking again…” he said, sounding rather put out.

“No, no, I really think you’ll enjoy these cookies!” Gilderoy laughed, and Severus groaned internally this time, for the way his laugh made Severus’ heart soar. It was horrible. He stood in the doorway and watched as Gilderoy pulled the tray from the oven, sporting colourful cookies; some were lilac, and some an emerald green.

“What kind of infernal cookies would ever be lilac and green?”

“Don’t worry, don’t worry,” Gilderoy replied. “They taste like snickerdoodles!”

“In those colours,” Severus said flatly.

“Mhm!”

“Somehow, I don’t trust that.” Gilderoy took one of the green cookies off of the tray, setting onto a napkin and carrying it over to Severus in the doorway, grinning wide.

“It really is good this time!”

“That’s what you said last time.”

“Oh, go on, it’s snickerdoodle!” Severus rolled his eyes as he took the cookie from Gilderoy’s hands. And really, something must be wrong with him to be so warmed by the other man’s attempts at baking. Even more repulsive was how much he enjoyed the cinnamon filled cookie.

“Well?” Gilderoy asked. “Was I right?” Severus was loath to admit it.

“It isn’t completely repugnant,” he said with a sniff. Gilderoy clapped his hands.

“Oh, wonderful, I knew you’d like them this time!” Severus grinned wryly. It certainly couldn’t be good that he’d spent enough time around the other man for him to catch onto his tones. And something couldn’t be right if he was still mesmerized by the absolute joy on Gilderoy’s face every time something good happened. He sat there, finishing his horribly yummy cookie, listening to Gilderoy talk about the entire process throughout the day.

It was later that night, as they sat in companionable silence in the living room, that Severus’ mind began to wander. He really couldn’t focus on the papers he was attempting to grade with Gilderoy sitting right next to him, barely an inch of space between them. He was reading a brand new book on baking, and truly, he shouldn’t look quite so lovely when he was intensely focused on studying.

Not lovely. Gilderoy was… Oh, Severus really couldn’t fool himself any longer. Perhaps he  _ was _ a bit lovely. Perhaps.

He certainly didn’t have to tell Gilderoy that.

Though, from the coy smile that Gilderoy gave him when he caught him staring, maybe he already knew.

\---------------------------------------------------------------


End file.
